shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
