I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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