All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
