In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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