I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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