dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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