i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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