super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
