I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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