No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The Olympian is in my bed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
