I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
sarcasm needs its own font
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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