Only a mothe r could love this liver
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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