If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
