So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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