this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
