distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
