She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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