It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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