How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
