____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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