Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
