i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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