There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
