You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I deserve this hangover.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
