I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
