how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
