Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
honey bunches of taint.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
