God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Randomize
