is your mom at the bar?
I faked an abortion last night.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
