It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
