Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
