I wish I only lived at night.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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