it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
