He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
