mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
