Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
