I faked an abortion last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Green mimosas i think yes
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
