at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
