I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
