I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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