So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
