i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
