sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
