I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
