we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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