I wanna bring you to show and tell
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
