good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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