I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
