Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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