if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
