WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
