like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
