my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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